I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
