do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
