Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
