I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
