I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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