Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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