He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
