Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
