I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
