I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
