for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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