I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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