I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
