Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
