$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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