well you can't waste a boner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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