I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
