its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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