when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
