and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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