is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
