so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
