I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
