I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
