if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
