I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
