the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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