I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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