like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
