God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
