I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
