you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
