a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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