I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
