May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
