it's too hot outside to masturbate.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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