She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
