I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
