This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
