turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
