I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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