and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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