The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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