Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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