why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
