I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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