It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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