On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
