I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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