I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
