My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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