Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i now understand why vodka
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
