i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Church boner. Awkwardddd
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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