Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I did not marry a roomba.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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