God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
