I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
