We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
