I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
