So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
