Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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