Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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