just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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