Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
