drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
