As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
