"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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