Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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