Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
