You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
