im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
