So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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