You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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