i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and she was petting her beer can
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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