I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
