moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
