Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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