You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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