I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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