I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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