Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
