just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
