My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
