hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
