Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
